Monday, November 06, 2006

Confronting Mortality

Most kids do this when their grandparents die. I, being absolutely true to my procrastinating nature, did not confront mortality until Sunday morning. For those of you who don't know the story my mother went to the emergency room on Sunday morning. The right side of her face was swollen and numb (somewhat paralyzed). Insert panicking Jess here. I instantly was thinking stroke and with good reason. My mom suffers from insanely high blood pressure.

Thankfully, it wasn't a stroke, but I will get to that in a minute.

Casey got me to the hospital (he didn't let me drive, which is probably a very good thing), wrangled Lily while I sat my butt down next to my mom and didn't move until they took her for a cat scan. I think I was more worried and scared than my Mom was.

It turns out she has something called Bell's Palsy. The short explanation: a nerve in her face went to sleep due increased pressure from a cold and ear infection she had been suffering from. The doctor put her on some prednisone, did a cat scan and took some x-rays just to make sure it wasn't a stroke and we were discharged. Mom followed up with her family physician this morning.

I know she's going to be fine, but I can't help but worry. My mom has not been sick like this... ever. I can't ever remember my mom being so sick she had to go to the ER. The strange thing is, I had a short conversation with Casey not so long ago about how I thought I should prepare myself for something like this. That my mom is getting older and while she does keep herself in excellent condition, she is still more prone to problems than she used to be. Did I handle it? No, I cried. I cried and cried and cried. I'm not ready for my parents to be old. I don't want my parents to die. Why couldn't I have dealt with mortality issues when I was younger? I'm 28 years old and I'm sitting here crying over the fact that my parents will eventually die one day! I feel incredibly ridiculous about it and I realize that it's something that I have to accept and yet I'm still upset. It doesn't make any sense to me.

Casey asked me this morning if I was going to be okay. I told him that I was going to be fine. I honestly think I need another good cry or two and I need to have a serious talk with not only my mom but my dad as well. Mom has been dropping subtle hints about where stuff is (like where she keeps her safety deposit key so I can get to her will, etc) and what type of funeral service she wants and to please keep the antique silver tea set as it is a family heirloom (which I naturally joke about Antique's Roadshow about), along with the Yladro statue. Dad, however, I have no about what he wants done. Does he want to be buried, creamated, where's the will, etc. My parents are getting older and I think it would be smart to prepare myself. Now, if I can only do it without crying my eyes out. Or maybe I should cry now so I don't do so much when it actually happens...

I don't know. I'm confused and scared about the whole parental death thing and I really don't want to think about it... but I can't help but think about it and that makes no sense to me. Ugh. Stop thinking, brain!

1 comment:

lovelysalome said...

Sounds like a stressful, upsetting weekend. I hope your mom recovers quickly. **hugs**