An Open Letter to "Punky."

I started writing this letter to "Punky" back in October, when the shit really hit the fan between myself and someone I had considered a close friend for over a decade.  In fact, I have known this person for nearly 20 years!  

On November 22, 2022, that person "disappeared." 

I honestly hope that person reads this.  I honestly hope that this person realizes that I know exactly where she is.  If I wanted to, the court date that she miraculously escaped because the sheriff failed to serve her? (We had some bad intel from the neighbor as far as her first location, but we have the correct information this time around.) It could still happen.  And I would get the judgment and she would end up owing me money. 

Exactly like she does now.  

I currently have 180 days to re-file my suit.  As of this moment, I really don't want to.  What's the point? For a judge to tell me that she owes me money that I already KNEW she owed me and she knew she owed and then for me to never see it? I waste more of my time and money trying to make her pay me? What's the point?  It's not worth the time or the effort. 

I would like to continue thinking that karma will catch up with her, but then I think the universe already is exacting its revenge.  She is living a ridiculously hard life and there's no reason that it should have been that hard.  ESPECIALLY with all the help that I gave her.

If I could say one last thing to that woman it would be this:  It must be really hard keeping all those lies straight.   That being said, this is about "Punky."  You know who you are, kid.  I hope this finds you someday. 

************

Dear "Punky,"

I know right now you are upset and your Mom has probably told you some stuff that you don't understand.  You're going to be okay, kiddo.  

None of what has happened since October is because of anything that you did.  All this?  This is on your Mom.  The house?  That's on your Mom.  Ultimately, what had to happen is I had to protect my own family.  I had to separate myself and my family from a situation your Mom created.  Even though this was just a mere possibility, a conjecture; If anything at all that ended in any kind of damages, injuries, or destruction?  If any of that happened it could have caused not only financial ruin, but it would have potentially created a situation where I would not have been able to do my job and support my own family.   Everything I had worked towards, the business that I have built - because of your Mom's lies (it wasn't her being irresponsible, honey, it was far worse than being careless or irresponsible)... The sheer possibility, however remote, that something could have happened?  

I had to separate myself and my family from the situation.  I could have and probably would have continued letting your Mom, lying to me, ignoring the signs, and things not making sense. But eventually, something would have given.  

She probably feels like I abandoned her? If she does, as much as it stinks, that's not my problem.  If everything she has done since October was some sort of petty revenge? That's her problem, not my problem.  I'm down here and she's up north.  I don't have enough free time for myself let alone to go chase someone that is over 1000 miles away. While I very much believe that she needs to face the consequences of her actions, it's (unfortunately) not going to be that will be the one to make her face them.  I honestly believe that it will eventually be you to make her face them.  

You might not understand that now, but one day I hope you do.   

I honestly hope that you come and find us.  We're not going anywhere, kid.  Me and my family - your extended family?  We are right here, we're not going anywhere.  The same can be said for everyone else that your Mom has decided to ghost.   

At the time that I'm writing this, you're 11 years old.  I'm pretty sure you're starting to see things aren't quite right.  It's not as easy to hide things or lie about things to someone who lives with you.  Especially when that person is growing up.   I actually find myself wondering how long she actually thought she could keep up the lies?  How long did she intend to hide the world away from you? Because that's what she's doing.  She's not hiding you or protecting you from the world.  She's hiding you and the world away from each other.  

She'll let little snippets of stuff through - things that she thinks are appropriate. She has kept you childlike and naive yet making up stories about things you say that you would very clearly never say because you are too scared to say anything.  Your Mom has told you stories about monsters in the world.  Monsters that want to take you away from her.  Monsters that want to destroy her.  

Follow the pattern, kid.  It's not the first time she's done it and it won't be the last.  

I actually knew your Mom was going to "run" back in October.  It was just after I found out about the fence issue.  We were talking about it and I told her about the whole thing and how it wasn't done and I was getting fined.  She said something to the effect of "Well if I have to give up the house, I will...." 

I had no idea where that statement came from.  It was so weird. So out of place.  Very quickly I responded with: "No, that's not what we're talking about."  Because that wasn't what we were talking about.  That was never what we were talking about.  There was something in the tone of her voice that made me feel like she was trying to work me, manipulate me the way a child would manipulate a parent.   

I heard what she said, it stuck out like a sore thumb, and I told Kacy. 

I couldn't believe all the lies that started coming to the surface.  I started finding out more and more things and finally, the puzzle pieces started fitting into place.  I remembered how she had treated certain people that we had been friends with that she had "cut out."  I remembered her actions, body language, and posture. I went back to that tone of voice... that kid trying to manipulate me, and I went into "Mom" mode.  I knew I was being "worked."

I tried to give her an out.  I really did.  My wife and I sat down with her on the phone, and I had a list of lies that I had already uncovered.  I asked her point blank: "Is there anything else you want to tell me about?" It was clear from my tone of voice that I knew plenty more than I was letting on.  

There was no remorse in her voice.  There was no sadness in her voice for the "beloved house" she was going to be losing (I gave her more than 30 days to vacate.).  No apologies were given for the disaster and the mountains of cat feces around the house that had been reported to me the day before complete with pictures.  

I saw the picture of your room - toys all over the floor, mixed in with cat litter and cat feces, stained mattress up against the wall, bed frame, and once beautiful furniture essentially destroyed.  I saw the My Little Pony Twilight Sparkle that my own kid had given you before we left Indiana. I felt sick.  I wanted to cry and scream.  I was instantly wracked with guilt.  If I had stayed, I could have kept an eye on your Mom.  If I had stayed, this wouldn't have happened. 

No.  None of that is true.  If I had stayed, it would have been a lot uglier.  

Staying was not an option and after spending months beating myself up thinking that I could have magically prevented this if I had stayed where I was?  Yes, I could have stayed, but then I would have been sitting in my house, probably shivering from the cold, asking "what if?"  I'm not going to do that to myself.  

You can't do that to yourself.  But you know what you can do, kid?  You can stand up for yourself.  You have the ability to say no.  You don't have to do anything that makes you feel uncomfortable.  You have the right to be yourself and you have the right to know everything that she has lied about. 

Even now, she's probably telling you and everyone who will listen that I'm the bad guy here.  I'm the evil landlord that kicked her out.  No, my dear one.  I gave her the option to do the right thing and play by the rules.  She didn't want to do her part and I simply told her that my boundary had been reached. 

There was no yelling, no screaming, just me saying "No, I'm done.  I'm walking away. I'll have my lawyer write up the paperwork.  I'll give you until the end of November." 

I don't know what story your Mom told people after that.  She tried to reach out one weekend towards the beginning, probably knowing that things were about to unravel for her.  I thought maybe we could salvage the friendship...  And then I found the holy grail of lies from her (or so I thought - the jury is still out because I keep finding stuff and I'm not even trying at this point anymore).  

Someone that she told us you cared about.  Someone that she told us you loved dearly - she told us that that person was dead.  

At the time of writing this, January 20, 2023, that person is very much alive.  At the time of this writing, that person knows everything your Mom has done and has screenshots of messages where she says such things.  Your family loves you very much.  I hope they are trying to do right by you and ignore the crap that your Mom has pulled.  Because you are the important one here.  

I'm sure your Mom thinks that she's doing right by you.  I'm sure she has convinced herself that what she is doing is true and good.  I very much believe that she lies to herself most of all and has an uncanny ability to convince herself that no matter what bald-faced lie she utters, it is 100% God's Honest truth, with no ands, ifs, or buts.  

Whatever happens with her in the future, it's all on her.  She had a really good thing going.  One day, you'll find out how good she had it and you will probably ask the same question: what was wrong with her?

I hope she does get help.  She very much needs it.  I hope she stops lying to herself, to you, and honestly to everyone around her.  I hope that the people she has hurt have moved on with their lives.  Above all else- I feel sorry for her. I feel sorry that she did not trust me as I trusted her.  And I did trust her.  I trusted her for years.  I hope that one day she gets what she needs to feel safe.  

When you're ready... You can find me.  I'm not going anywhere. Just reach out kid, I'm here.