Yeah.... Um, no.

 Remember when I said that I was handling it?  That my routine was fucked today and I just had to pivot?  Well, that couch ain't getting up this twisted staircase no matter what.  

Kacy is down with a bad migraine and an anxiety situation right now.  I was doing pretty good this morning, handling what I needed to handle, talking to who I needed to talk to, doing the email and work thing and helping out my Dad with his tax stuff, even though I've already sent his account almost everything.  With Kacy not feeling good, I got her settled as best I could after some cuddles and came back into the kitchen to see if my Dad was hungry.  It was lunchtime and I figured he'd want to eat something.  He then proceeds to tell me that the stuff that I've copied for his accountant (because I don't trust that this guy got everything - the dude is old and a boomer and apparently doesn't do technology well - so goes small town Kentucky) and I wanted to send copies of everything that we have overnight to him.  

I had started putting together a packet, and as I'm coming back into the kitchen, there's my dad with the packet open, going through everything, getting more confused by the moment, even though I specifically pulled out the figures that he needed.  My brain wanted to scream.  I have had anything to eat myself today, except for the pudding cup I take my meds in, and that was at 8:30 this morning.  It is now 2pm and my Dad has had his lunch, but I have cleaned the kitchen, cleaned up and reorganized the mess he made of the packet that I was sending to his accountant, and I still have to deal with my own clients (that I'm waiting for phone calls back from).  Everything that I need to do keeps getting interrupted and I feel like I'm on the verge of a break - something that I can't deal with today.  

I need to stop.  I need to stop and take a minute.  I feel like I can't stop and take a minute, but I make myself.  I take a minute, I write this blog, I attempt to crack my neck (the tension in my shoulders and neck is ridiculous).  I add stuff to my list that I cannot forget to do, but I feel like I'm done today.  My logical brain is telling me that I should listen to that.  The side of my brain that is filled with childhood trauma and very real adult worries about money, work, the state of the world, etc., tells me "No, fucker, you keep going."  

I don't want to keep going today.  I want to go put my jammies on, order a pizza and descend into the world of binge watching some trash tv.  

I've decided I don't like today.