My Dad vs. Mac

 There are certain times that I want to throttle my Dad and those times generally surround whenever he is using his computer.  He completely locked himself out of his hotmail account (which, hotmail sucks and the level of spam on there is incredulous!) and about 10 minutes ago I saved him from completely locking himself out of his computer.  

I also informed him that if he got himself locked out of his computer that he would NOT be using my computer or anyone elses' computer in this house because of several reasons but the main one being that he is constantly having to have his password reset and a password reset which he can't remember because he didn't tell me about is how we got into the hotmail fiasco to begin with.  

Way back in the day when AOL and Compuserve ruled the world wide web, my Mom was constantly messing stuff up on the computer and then stating that I had done something to the computer and why did I mess it up when it was very much a her issue.  

My Dad will cuss his computer, asking why is it doing something or why won't it do something when he is the cause of the problem. Which means I have to bail him out of whatever problem he's having.  Honestly? If he weren't so with it - and by with it I mean he usually goes to the same pages over and over, in the same pattern every day multiple times a day expecting whatever is on the page to be different.  Nothing changes.  The only thing that changes is that he mistypes the passwords and gets kicked out or can't get into whatever he's trying to do.  (Note: I do have all of his important pages, including email, bookmarked on my computer and have sent power of attorney to all the really important accounts and set up my own access to those accounts.) As much as I hate to admit it, I long for the day when he can't use the damn thing anymore because it's such a headache.  

It also doesn't help that when he gets himself into these predicaments, he has absolutely no patience and whatever must be fixed now now now now now.  It doesn't matter what I'm doing, I have to stop and help.  If I don't stop and help, the attitude I get is ridiculous.  On top of that, my Dad will know that he's pushing buttons and pushes those metaphorical buttons even harder, scaling up his verbal chiding the longer it takes me to undo whatever damage he's done.  

I am to the point where I'm just going through the motions, myself.  Wake up, deal with Dad, go to sleep, lather, rinse, repeat.  It's not just the computer anymore, either.  It's everything.  

He has no patience.  He doesn't understand that it's the holiday season and people take vacations, hence why these doctor offices aren't calling back with test results or forwarding those test results or scheduling anything.  We are in the no-man's-land that is between Christmas and New Year.  Nothing is getting scheduled until after the first of the year and there's no point trying to push it, either, because there is nothing that can be done if the people that schedule are out of the office.   

The funny thing is that my Dad would be off practically the whole month of December and a good portion of January and he would always tell people he wasn't going to do something because he was on vacation.  He would say something to the effect of "well, they're just gonna have to wait."  

That apparently does not apply to him.  To which I love to remind him to check his privilege.  

I hate the fact that everything surrounding my Dad feels like a chore.  I wish there was some switch I could flip where I can just turn my brain off and enjoy the time that I have left with him.  I feel like everything I do is management, though.  I can't take him out because he gets worn out too easily. We can't go out to eat because he has a tendency to throw up his food.  Going out is a production in itself that either involves a walker, a mobility scooter, and generally me telling Dad which way to go and the outing taking at least an hour longer than it should, if not more.  On a more personal level, even I don't want to leave the house.  Leaving the house is such a chore!  I am definitely depressed.  Thankfully, I have a therapist. 

I guess I should be thankful for the fact that he made it through Christmas.  I guess I should be thankful for the fact that he didn't get locked out of his computer.  It's really hard to feel thankful, though, with the decline being so drastic.  I feel like that's a really tall order, though.  I'm sure I will be thankful for this time when he's gone and I'll laugh at the fact that I had to help him out so much on his computer.  I just wish I didn't have to.  I wish he could be totally with it so we could have some more fun adventures, go go-karting, ride horses, drive an hour just to go to Portillos and have a chili dog without him throwing up.  I just can't seem to settle.