Rocket Jess

Today I have a rocket up my ass. 

I decided, after a several month hiatus, to actually take an adderall.  I have the ADHD, I have the prescription, I have a lot of stuff to do and I had forgotten how good it felt to really be able to focus.  The only problem, however, is that I have way too much to focus on.  I am now in the ADHD paralysis mode of where I have no idea what to tackle first.  I'm running around like a crazy person, flitting from one task to the other wondering when the crash will come.  

Kacy is still down with this horrible cold, as is Ace, and I am feeling the whole horrible throat pain coming up and I'm trying to avoid my Dad like I have the plague, because the last thing I want to do is get him sick.  I am also bouncing (quite literally at this point) back from an epic meltdown I had two days ago where I was completely overwhelmed and overstimulated.  We're talking ugly crying here, people.  

That was followed by a day of me being an epic bitch to everyone, trying desperately to carve out a place where I wouldn't be bothered yet still trying to keep an eye on my Dad (who wasn't feeling that great) and trying REALLY hard not to take it out on him.  I'm sure he picked up on the attitude, though.  I'm not the most subtle person.  I believe the phrase is: "subtle as a sledgehammer."  Yeahhhhh.....

But today is a completely different day.  It's days like this that I feel like I have some sort of manic disorder.  Up and down up and down up and down.  One day I'm crying, the next I'm pissed at the world, the next, I'm bouncing off the walls. 

And craving a bacon cheeseburger. Yummmmm....

So yeah, Kacy is sick.  Ace is sick.  I'm trying not to get my Dad sick with this cold because I'm fairly sure I'm sick, too.  And yet I decided instead of being a slug on the couch all day I was gonna take an adderall.  

I want to do something creative.  I want to paint my kitchen.  I want to re-organize my work space (which I already did yesterday because I was doing the whole rage cleaning thing).  I want to re-organize the living room and Ace and Megan's room.  I want to deep clean everything.  I want to take a nap.  

A nap would certainly be the ideal choice.  I have absolutely no business reorganizing the living room or the kids' rooms.  (At least not until the kitchen stuff is out of my living room - clarification: the casita's entire ikea kitchen is still sitting in my living room.). Painting sounds like too much work for me right now and while I have the concentration of a dentist cleaning a lion that is only under sedation for a short amount of time, I do not have the brain capacity to think past two seconds from now.  

I could do something some music making or work on some art but my computer suffering from the lack of processing power and really needs an upgrade - I'm kicking that can down the road, though.  I should go ahead and buy one this year so I can deduct it from my taxes but it just doesn't make the best financial sense right now to spend two grand on something that I may not even get to really utilize until spring if not summer.  I would much rather spend the cash on something useful, like a vacation.  Which I could DEFINITELY use.  That, however, won't happen for a while either.  Today, I'm okay with that.  

I am bouncing all over the place, though, and I need to find a place to put my energy.  Something that doesn't require a lot of thought.  That means work is straight out. I also can't go out and play because it's raining buckets currently.  It would be a great day to go go-karting in Orlando, but I have to go to Orlando tomorrow and frankly, I don't want to fight the Christmas holiday disney traffic two days in a row. 

I guess my only solution is dance party in the kitchen for as long as my lungs can hold out.  


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