Roadtrip.

 I took my Dad back to Kentucky the day after my birthday.  In order to facilitate the trip, we postponed doctor appointments and engaged hospice for a travel contract.  Our flight out of Tampa was delayed by several hours and we actually did not get to his house until around 11:30pm at which point my Dad wanted to start all of his cars, put them on chargers, etc.  It was around midnight that I told him "Dad, it's after 1am for me.  I'm going to bed.  This can all be done tomorrow."  

The following day was filled with me learning how to change the oil in his Porsche, swapping batteries out in three vehicles, changing the oil in 2 other vehicles and hanging on for dear life when my Dad drove us around the very skinny country roads around his house.  There were several times where I was following him (returning our rental car) and I was like "is he on his phone?"  No, my Dad wasn't on his phone, he was just being a piss poor driver.  

I was only with him for a day because I had to drive to South Bend and deal with some business stuff and I wanted to make sure that I got all of my Mom's stuff out of the plantation that I wanted.  My Dad had done a really great job cleaning it out during covid and moving furniture down to KY, but I wanted to make sure that there was nothing left behind that I may want (or need for that matter).  I also put two of our vehicles into storage with a friend so we can prep the house for rent or for sale, whichever we decide is a better option.  

The trip to KY was nice.  I didn't make it up to Chicago like I wanted to, but I did get the chance to see one of my best friends in the entire world, Mickie.  I hadn't seen her in quite a few years.  It's fun when you get to see a friend and pick back up where you left off.  She hasn't changed at all.  She's still this amazing, cool, fun person that is probably the nicest person in the entire world if I'm really thinking about it.  

We kvetched about how our parents are getting older and as they get older they seem to be getting more and more... cranky.  We are both dealing with trying to get our elders to realize that everything they see on the internet is not true and that Fox News is the devil.  Seriously - fuck Fox News gently with a chainsaw.  I believe they are part of a very large problem in this country.  BUT we won't go there right now because if I do, I will not shut up for a very long time and well, yeah.... I just don't wanna do that right now. 

It's funny, but Indiana just doesn't feel like home.  I don't know if it every did?  I feel more at home in Kentucky and even more at home in Florida than I did in Indiana.  It was always "Mom's house."  I never called my Mom's house home.  Is that weird?  Yes, I had amazing friends there.  I have amazing memories.  I loved our house in Granger with a white-hot passion and could have honestly spent the rest of my life there if it wasn't for the fact I wanted and needed a bigger pond to swim in.  Florida, our house here, feels like home.  It's cozy and it's becoming the home that we always wanted.  Now, with the casita being just about done (all we need is furniture and decorations!) we have a space for Dad and things feel like they're finally getting settled.

I say that, but my Dad is also making things difficult.  He is still in Kentucky (he'll be headed back this way this coming weekend) and having fun visiting with friends, cousins, going to his favorite diners (yes, there are multiple) and just generally "getting into trouble."  He is frustrated that he doesn't have internet at his house (we canceled it because there was no point in paying for something he wasn't using for nearly a year), but he is really loving the peace and quiet and lack of animals.  At the same time, though, he's definitely trying to do things he shouldn't be doing.  With him being on Hospice, I informed him that if he needed anything he was to call his nurse.  She visits once a week, but my Dad doesn't always tell the nurse everything that he should be doing.  For example, this week he said his shoulder was hurting so badly that he decided to go to urgent care for a cortisone shot.  I told him to call his nurse and she could do that, but he didn't want to.  He's probably going to get a bill for that.  Today he's going to go see his orthopedic surgeon because he was having some knee pain but I'm absolutely positive that he's going to try and talk him into a shoulder replacement for his other shoulder.  

The man is exasperating.  I feel like I have to babysit him, but I have already given up nearly a year of my life and I honestly need a vacation from it.  Unfortunately, I don't think I'll get one of those for quite a while.  At least if he was under my roof I could keep an eye on him and help him and make sure he was eating right.  In KY he is eating horribly, going out all the time, there was a random trip to walmart at 8:30pm one night (still trying to figure that one out) and I worry that he's not taking his meds correctly.  

It's like I'm parenting a grown ass man and he's more stubborn than a toddler.  He actually said to me that he wants me to be happy, so why can't I be happy so he can be happy.  Kacy said I should tell him that what would make me happy is if he would stop lying to his nurses and stop trying to put a cheery face on everything.  My Dad will never do that, though.  Thankfully, the older I get and the more time I spend with him the more I know what his tells are and the more I can maneuver him into whatever I want him to do.  That sounds so horrible, doesn't it?  I don't want to control my Dad, I want to keep him safe.  That's number one for me.  Number two is keeping him comfortable.  

So, now, I'm debating on dropping everything again and heading back to Kentucky because I don't trust him to make this trip by himself even though I'm watching his location daily.  I can keep a long distance eye on him.  I can't help but laugh about it, either, because to this day I suspect he had my car lojacked back when I was in high school.  Somehow that man always knew when I was going to Nashville instead of Indianapolis to visit friends despite me not even knowing when I got on the road and changing my mind mid-roadtrip.  

Kacy says "You gotta let go of that brick."  She's basically telling me that while it may be my circus, this isn't my monkey and I can't keep causing myself anxiety and stress because he wants to be a kid.  So yeah...  I'm stuck.  I'm exhausted, I haven't had much of a break.  I'm mentally discombobulated and I have too many things I need to do and not enough time to do them in.  I blame capitalism.  But that's another story entirely. 

My road trip was good, though.  I spent one night in Nashville on the way home.  I do love that town and wish I could have spent more time there, specifically with Kacy.  Unfortunately, TN is not necessarily that nice to transpeople so it's not on our list of places to travel to anytime soon.  Hell, getting out of the house is hard enough.  

But, that, much like a lot of this, is a blog for another day.