"Don't be ugly."

Have y'all been seeing these videos online about how "southern women" got their panties in a twist talking about how they think that the "liberals" are "coming for them?"   Yeahhhhh....  I have seen an equal amount of women stitching the videos laughing their asses off about how no one is wasting their time on "southern women."  I am one of the women that is laughing at them but I also want to tell you a story.

I spent a good portion of my life in Kentucky.  I lived in Western Kentucky, about an hour and a half from Nashville, until the age of 10 when my parents divorced and I moved to northern Indiana (with a brief stop off in the Chicago burbs).   Where I lived in Kentucky, there was what you could say is a southern accent.  Instead of saying daddy like dah-dee, I would say "day-dee." I used to say Mah-muh instead of Mommy or Mom and I called my grandma, Granny.  My kids call my dad "Papa" (he signs his cards "grandpa" and I think that he prefers grandpa, but the kids call him papa for some reason and I think that started way back with my stepmom).  

I remember sitting on my Grandpa's porch, snapping fresh green beans from the garden (which I also remember doing with my mom's friend and my second-surrogate grandma, Miss Myrt).  I remember going to "sundee school" (Sunday School) and being taught by Miss Glee, who was probably one of the nicest old ladies that I can ever remember knowing.  We had neighborhood potlucks, I went to Kiwanis with my Dad, my Grandpa was a Hadi Shriner, Sunday's meant family dinner either at Granny and Grandpa's house or the Kentucky Fried Chicken.  

I will be the first to admit that I grew up fairly privileged and more than a little spoiled.  Whenever I would get too big for my britches or wasn't behaving the way an adult would expect me to act in public, I would hear the phrase "Now, Jessie.  Don't be ugly."  They weren't talking about looks, they were talking about attitude.  They were talking about behavior.  They were talking about how I needed to settle down, fly straight, or any other number of metaphors for being better behaved (I was generally a well behaved kid, I was just very ADHD with an emphasis on the hyper and was also on the autistic spectrum which no one really knew let alone understood at the time.). 

"Don't be ugly."  It generally means don't be rude or mean or behave in an inappropriate way.  I was never mean or rude, but I was overly excited (the 'tism) and I have always kind of accepted that I'm excitable, so I don't consider that being ugly.   Those women that are online making videos about how liberal women are coming for them?  Honey, we ain't coming for y'all.  I couldn't care less about y'all.  I will say this much though - if you come for me I'm absolutely going to say something.  Because here's the thing - I, unlike my wife, have been fairly lucky as far as people tolerating me and my "behavior."  Maybe it's because I'm nice about it and I'm not a mega bitch like some of y'all down here.  In fact, I have seen more southern women being "ugly" than I have women from up north.  

Not too long ago, Kacy and I went to Miami to see the last show of Magic Mike Live down there.  We had a fantastic weekend and went with a couple of other girlfriends of ours.  Before our other two friends arrived, Kacy and I went out and did some exploring.  We were within walking distance of this area called "Brickell" where they had some pretty awesome shopping.  We wanted to check it out and so we headed down.  We checked out some stores and as we walked out of one of them there was a frumpy old woman wearing some kind of proud grandma tee shirt.  Normally, I wouldn't give her a second look or a care, but this woman, as Kacy and I came out of the shop, laughing and smiling and holding hands... She took one look at Kacy and began shooting daggers with her eyes at us.  She also had to pick her jaw up off the ground because she started following us. 

I remember her looking around, maybe looking for a friend she was with?  She very obviously pointed at Kacy, had a mean, nasty look on her face, and then she started following us.  Kacy and I stopped to look in a window of a swimsuit place that had what I considered very uncomfortable looking swimsuits (like something you'd see on your base character in World of Warcraft or something like that) and giggling to each other about it.  The woman stopped about 10 paces behind, continuing to stare.  We walked a little more, she started following us again.  She was obvious.  She was looking around, almost like she was looking for help in her quest to get rid of the big, bad transgender woman that was dressed way better than her and her pink-haired companion.  It was the first time that I had ever experienced something like that in public.  

While we've had people stare at us before (Kacy is 6'2", she's an Amazon.  People are always amazed at how tall she is.) this was the first time that I'd ever experienced something like this.   Kacy has dealt with this kind of behavior for a while.  As a general rule, though, she keeps her head down and just goes about her business.  Me?  Well, the woman kept following and after passing probably the 6th store, I turned around and yelled at her "What is your problem?!"

I have never seen anyone back down quite so quickly.   The old lady turned bright red, her mouth wide open like she wanted to say something but she was too flustered to actually say anything.  I very quickly added something to the effect of: "Do you think this is appropriate behavior?"  The woman turned her attention to a trash can and kept looking around.  I was standing there, glaring at her.  She decided it was in her best interest to turn around and walk in the other direction.  

This was a "southern woman" that did that.  I didn't come for her, she came for us.  She followed us.  She made us uncomfortable to the point I turned around and said something.  Kacy and I ultimately laughed it off, but it stuck with me.  The what-if's and catastrophizing ran through my brain on that day and it has continued to run through my brain.  

Southern women, we ain't coming for you, but you better believe that if you're being ugly I'm going to put you back in your place.  And if you don't shut your mouth and keep walking you also better believe that I will get up in your face and call you out and I will make sure that everyone around me knows what a complete ass you're making out of yourself.  I will also make sure that I'm filming it when I do so I can let the internet do it's thing.   You just better hope that I'm not wearing flip flops or slides at the time because let me tell you, I may have southerners in my family, but my Mom was Panamanian and she taught me how to wield a chancla like nobodies business.  I can also probably hit you dead on even if you're running away because my Dad ultimately raised me like a boy and I know how to throw pretty damn well.   So, yeah, I am not coming for you, but if you come for me or my family?  You better be prepared because the number one thing I am best at is embarrassing the crap out of people.