Overwhelmed

 I am currently in Kentucky.  I am alone in my Dad's house, currently in tears, waiting for the xanax that I took to kick in.  Mentally, I'm in an absolutely crap place.  And I hate my hair. 

When Kacy and I got back from her surgery, I instantly went into management mode.  I set myself a schedule, splitting my day as well as I could between family and business responsibilities and things went really well Monday and Tuesday (admittedly I over did it, because I was super super sore after 2 days of yard work which I never do, and living in Florida - fuckin' hell it has been ridiculously hot).  I got up Wednesday and was going through my day, setting up showings for the weekend, and decided to call my Dad because he had been sick when I talked to him on Sunday.  And that was when everything went to shit. 

My Dad had been in the hospital since Saturday afternoon.  I talked to him on Sunday and he didn't tell me.  Record scratch, my world stopped.  I looked across the room at Kacy.  I'm sure I looked... well, I don't actually know how I looked.  My wife was fresh from surgery, still very much in pain, we had been lamenting the fact that we hadn't even been able to sleep in the same bed (she couldn't get comfortable in our bed so she had/has been sleeping in the recliner since we got home. 

I'm an only child. My Dad and I have always been fairly close. While we don't necessarily share our deepest darkest feelings, my Dad and I still talk and we have our own way of communicating, and I am very much a Daddy's girl.  I have watched my Dad slowly show his age and I am bound and determined not to turn it into a management type of situation with him, the way I had to do with my Mom when she started going downhill.  With my Mom, I always felt like I never spent enough "fun" time with her.  It was always Mom wanted to get out and I never had time to get out because adulting always got in the way. 

I had work taken care of last week and had been planning for a relatively light week, but with my Dad ending up in the hospital - I re-arranged everything and got on the road on Thursday morning.  Friday, I was in Kentucky and with my Dad.  

It's hard to see a parent sick and in the hospital.  My Dad looked weak, tired, was extremely congested and his breathing was labored.  Management mode to the extreme.  On one end he's getting better, but on the other end - his kidney function is down and he's on oxygen.  There is no word as far as when he's going to get out of the hospital and it all depends on whether or not his kidney function improves. One moment he seems better, the next he's coughing and his face turns red and just getting out of the bed to go to the bathroom leaves him winded.  One nurse says that he could be released "tomorrow" and another says "a few days."  I don't know what's going on.  I feel helpless and the only way that I can control is getting my Dad's house into shape and organized.  I've spent the past few evenings getting everything organized here at his house. 

The worst part - I'm here alone. Kacy is in Florida, I'm here.  My family is in Florida.  I'm here and now there is a potential hurricane headed towards Florida.  My wife can't lift more than "20 pounds" but in reality she can't lift a gallon of milk.  Insert me trying to figure out how to get my family prepped and safe from 600+ miles away.  The worst part?  Kacy isn't the type to ask for help. Her family had themselves very insulated with a very narcissitic person at the helm.  Family first until family doesn't do something that is inline with their way of thinking.  That story is for another time, though.  

I'm exhausted, I'm overwhelmed, I'm emotional, I haven't slept well in two weeks now.  I miss my family, I've got a ton of stuff to do to help my Dad out and all I want to do is just have one good nights sleep.  I am incredibly grateful for the help of my tribe - my RE/MAX family, my friends, my family. But I am here in Kentucky all by myself.  My wife isn't in any shape to travel and even when she gets here, the sleeping arrangements would suck for her (my dad doesn't have a recliner here for her to use).   I wish my Dad lived closer, and I'm trying to make that happen, but it seems like the casita is not coming along as quickly as it should have.  I can only hope that things get easier soon.