This is a vent session.

This is a vent session.  It's not an angry venting, it's an exasperated venting that I've absolutely got to get out of my brain because if I don't, it will boil up into anger and I don't want to get to that point - so I vent into the echo chamber of the internet. 

I am neuro-spicy.  I've got ADHD and I'm on the autistic spectrum.  My brand of spicy has me getting bogged down by the details but then easily distracted by shiny objects.  My Dad is very neurotypical.  He is the "average" Joe (quite literally in this case because his name is Joe) but he is also... well, my Dad is a bit of a misogynist.  

This actually cracks me up on a regular basis because I am very conscious of the fact that my Dad raised me with all of the audacity and privilege of a white man.  I was told I could be anything that I wanted to be.  I was also told, to a certain extent, that I could do anything that I wanted to do.  Now that I'm an adult and he is now having to rely on me and my family for care - my job, my career?  It seems like my wants and needs are playing second fiddle to what the man wants.  Today is the first day that those wants and needs of the man are not necessarily sitting well with the tribe that is our family.  

Ace, our 23-year-old (who is also autistic but will probably never strike out on their own- which I'm entirely okay with, btw) has been very graciously taking the night shift, letting me get some much-needed rest.  My days have been taken up making sure that Dad is comfortable, making sure he's entertained and I have completely had to take my business and set it to the side.  I'm not upset about that.  Would I like to just actually work? Abso-fucking-lutely.  I miss working.  I understand, though, that my Dad needs help and I have put my entire life on hold for a couple of months now because he needs me.  BUT my Dad is, unfortunately, a bit of a misogynist.  

My Dad expects me or Ace to be at his beck and call and cater to every single need.  Ace, in case you didn't know, is a transman.  Ace does not want to be referred to by their birth name and prefers the Ace and he/him pronouns.  My Dad, however, does not understand the whole pronoun thing and gets not just Ace but Kacy's pronouns messed up as well.  Not only that, but my Dad does not want Kacy really taking care of him at all, either.  He thinks of Kacy as  Casey, not Kacy.  He doesn't see Kacy as a woman, nor does he see Ace as a man and there is definite crankiness from all sides because of this.  

My Dad also doesn't understand why Ace sleeps half the day now after being awake all night, making sure he makes it to the bathroom several times a night or putting benedryl lotion on his back due to his medication making him itch, and trying to make him understand that I can't just stop whatever I'm doing and take care of him sometimes, yeah- it just can't happen.  There are responsibilities that I have been ignoring for several months that need taken care of and as the primary breadwinner in our family, I have to work.  No ands, ifs or buts about it.  I can't be a realtor and not show people houses, make phone calls, run lead generation, etc. 

So, I find myself in a balancing act and I'm constantly flailing my arms trying not to fall off this tightrope and I can't seem to make my Dad understand that we're a tribe as it were.  We are doing our best, but we're wearing thin. It's going to be a long time before we can get back to any semblance of normal.