A few good days

 Thanksgiving is next week and I feel like I have a lot to be thankful for.  My Dad is doing really well and we've had a streak of really good days, the casita is coming along quite nicely and we'll be ready to paint hopefully starting on Monday.  Next week will be busy for sure, but hopefully everything will go smoothly.  

The biggest thing I am grateful for is that my Dad is doing better.  This is actually quite surprising because I didn't think he was going to make it to Thanksgiving.  That's how bad things have been.  There is always a chance that things can turn south, or he can pass in his sleep one night, but I think I've turned a page in my brain that has put me more at ease with everything.  At least that's what I like to tell myself.  If you think about it, anyone can die at any time.  I could be hit by a bus tomorrow, and my Dad could pass quietly in his sleep.  There's nothing that anyone can do about it.  When it's your time to go it's your time to go.  I know I've been chanting the mantra happy and comfortable but I don't know if I really believed that mantra.  Every night, I tuck my dad into bed, give him a kiss on the cheek and say "Goodnight!"  There is still a certain amount of fear when I go to bed - I don't think my anxiety will allow me to do that, for now that's just something that I have to live with.  I have to get to full acceptance and I don't know how or when that will be.  

For now, I'll be content sitting outside on the back lanai, chatting with my Dad, listening to him tell stories and be happy and proud of the casita and everything that we are doing to make him happy and comfortable.  And that's what we need to do - it's the only thing we can do.